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Letting Go

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It's been almost two weeks since my high school graduation, and I decided to clean my room because I've decided that it's time to let go. I wanted to really get rid of all my old stuff - test papers, busted ball-point pens, projects, and pretty much all the stuff I don't need, including that cheezy romance novel gathering dust in my bookshelf (hey, we had to read that for English as a book report!).

As I opened my scrap paper box (made of recycled pad paper cardboard ends), I realized that I'm actually a borderline compulsive hoarder back in the day because I've kept papers that went as high as my knee when all piled up in one place. At least my room doesn't look like that mess at the left, though. My mess is just about as big as the medium-height pile of stuff on his desk.





I woke up at around 10 in the morning and got started on this seemingly Herculean task of sorting out papers that are thicker than all seven Harry Potter books combined (whew! That's a lot!). Who knows, maybe I could dig up stuff that I might still need or maybe stuff that I just want to keep? The first thing I did was to censor out my name on all test papers using a black permanent marker (except for those test papers with perfect marks, about fifty of them. :D). If I would simply tear my name out of the papers, those little pieces might fly away and mess up my room even more. That would make another tedious task for me that would take away yet another day of my summer break.

As I dug through layers and layers of papers, flashbacks went through my head - flashbacks about the origins of these papers and of those times I should have gotten the correct answers. I remembered how stupid and careless I was back then, especially now that I could easily ace all those tests if I were to take them again, especially those math tests I failed. The deeper through the layers I dug, the farther away from the present the memories went. In fact, the deepest layers of paper dated back to freshman year and even seventh grade.

I quickly perused the papers and rummaged through a lot of dirt - failed test papers especially in chemistry, papers full of erasures, drawings gone totally wrong, and papers with expletives in them from venting out the anger issues that I often have. There was even this one math scratch paper with a huge 'fuck you' written over all the algebraic 'equations' that don't make sense at all (sorry, no picture for that. I already threw that paper away.). I even found some letters from old friends wishing me luck for that guy I used to like (who now looks like an overweight version of Justin Bieber), and I cringed as I read those letters.

However, I did find some gold amidst all the dirt. Yep, the first three are projects that all received perfect marks.

"If there were nothing else in this world but happiness, I will still have all I need."

This is from an activity in English class where we had to complete the given statement: "If there were nothing else in the world but __________, I will still have all I need."

It was a difficult question, I know, because, come to think about it, it's impossible for anyone to have all they need if there was nothing but one thing in the world. Not even an eternity's supply of Nutella or an endless platter of all the different flavors of sushi. As I looked around me to gather some inspiration, I saw that almost all of them answered 'family' or anything synonymous to it, considering the family-oriented nature of majority of Filipinos. (Yep, I am a Filipino if you haven't noticed that yet because of the date indicated by my Avenged Sevenfold concert countdown. I just put Ice Ice Baby, Antarctica as my location just for that Vanilla Ice reference.) Honestly, I will not have all I need if there was nothing but family. What will I eat if there is no food? What will I drink when I go thirsty? Where will I live? What will I wear? Where will I answer nature's call?

Definitely Worth 1000. :) Maybe 1000 more for the guys?
Eventually, a light bulb (figuratively) popped above my head, as bright as the neon yellowness of the paper I used. I decided to outwit the statement altogether and think of an abstract idea that would be present only if I have all the things and people I need. That would be happiness. It would only make sense that if there were nothing in this world but happiness (from the people and things that give me happiness), I will still have all I need. It would also make sense that I would be unhappy if my needs are not fulfilled. At least, if ever all our answers were to come true in our own worlds, my world would still look normal while someone else's is (possibly) made of 100 % Nutella. Well, come to think about it, a world made of only Nutella is a delicious idea (girl at the right seems to be enjoying herself...), but it will get old eventually.

Furthermore, I would like to get this design printed on a shirt. Oh, and check out the drawing of semi-normal Spongebob in the letter 'A' in happiness. That was supposed to start off as a simple smiley face but I eventually drew him to look like Spongebob.
 

"English: It is the language that moves the world forward."

cafuné!
This was another English project and was for promoting the English Campaign, a rule in our school when we had to almost always speak in English. In my school, even the most rugged of people one would never expect to be fluent in English do speak the language quite well.

I understand that this rule is also for our own good because in the era of globalization, English is the language that moves the world forward. Most business transactions and technical terms nowadays are in English. And although there are foreign words that simply cannot be expressed in English in one word (see caption for the fluffy-haired Billie Joe Armstrong picture at the right), English is still the language that unites the world and helps it to move forward. Besides, I could have chosen to write this blog entry in Tagalog but I decided to write the whole thing in English anyway. I just know that more people will understand my post if I did so.


On a Holy Week-related note...

"This is a nail. It symbolizes humility because...


A nail has both good and bad reputations attached to it. It is an object that has built, destroyed, and built again, and yet, it is so small. I simply had to draw it bigger on the paper. It has helped build empires, homes, and many of today's modern marvels. And yet, it is this same tiny object that made Jesus suffer more on the cross. Simply imagine the pain of having your hands and feet nailed to a wooden frame. Ouch! And yet again, Jesus only allowed Himself to suffer out of immense humility and love for us. The power of the nail: without this tiny object, buildings would crumble. It is also this object that proved His love."

For religion class, I remembered that we've been asked to think of any object that symbolizes humility. I instantly thought of the nail and associated it with the crucifixion. I then looked around me and noticed that almost everything within a foot of me has at least one nail of any form in it, from the chair I sat on to the stapler on my seatmate's desk. Even the door's hinge has nails on it. There are nails behind the paintings that decorate the classroom's walls. They are also on the locks of the sliding windows. After I dug this up among layers and layers of unnecessary papers, I was reminded once again not only of the Lord's sacrifice but also of the fact that the littlest things are always of importance to the world. Come to think about it, without subatomic particles, there would be no atoms. Without atoms, there would be no molecules. Without molecules, there would be no matter. Without matter, there would be... nothing. Without these little particles that construct everything in the universe, we are nothing.

This locket, dating back to the sixth grade, is the oldest item I've dug up so far in the box. I bought it in the annual school fair out of impulse. I just thought back then that it looked cute just as a heart pendant. (I blame my 12-year-old self for being such a tacky, unfashionable hopeless romantic back then.) I didn't know that it is a locket. Heck, I haven't even put any pictures in the locket yet, and I don't think I will soon. I only knew that it was a locket when I opened it by accident. The chain that comes with this locket has already been lost and parts of the pendant have already tarnished but I'm keeping this locket anyway.

Last but not the least, this is a Billie Joe Armstrong poster that my friend gave me for Christmas last year. I haven't stuck this to my bedroom wall yet, but I'm keeping it safe inside my folder for now. Maybe I'll stick this poster on my condo unit for when I'm already off to college. But either way, I'm definitely keeping this.

It was easy for me to let go of those old papers, and it felt good to throw them away, along with all the problems and anger associated with the failing marks on some of those papers, but sorting them out was what took me long. Digging through these papers was like taking a day-long trip to memory lane, a reminiscence of what is supposed to be one of the best four years of my life. And you know what I realized? If I've ever been told that High School would be four of the best years of my life, I've already disproved it. I'm quite sure that I will still see the better years. High School for me was so-so on the most part anyway. A few nuggets of gold, but that's about it. I'm sure that I still have many more things to experience in the years ahead.

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