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| That's Sid Vicious, not Siddharta. |
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| This is the real deal. |
I opened the book for the first time and turned to the first page when I was bored with waiting for the school bus to leave the parking space so that I can finally go home. I just thought that reading this book would make my life easier for me only because that would leave me with one less thing to think about come term exams. But soon enough, I found myself turning page after page, awestruck at the depth of thoughts written with the perfect style to keep me hooked. I've always liked reading books about self-discovery and growing up, such as the Catcher in the Rye, which is my favorite book. The protagonist, Siddharta, shares some characteristics with Holden Caulfield when it comes to their passionate goals to find out who they really are and what are the reasons why they ever existed in the first place.
Unlike most teenage girls, my heart is for realistic fiction (bildungsroman/spiritual journey novels to be specific) and not vampire/fantasy novels that are simply there to quench the thirst (get it?) for solace from empty love with hollow characters for people to put their shoes in (you know what those 'novels' are). I have asked some of my friends what they think of the book, and they said that it was dragging and somewhat insipid, also hard to understand because of its elements of mysticism, but I think otherwise.
The book starts with Siddhartha, a son of a Brahmin, a member of the summit of the caste system, who lived a very pleasant and luxurious life. He had everything: looks (says so in the book), intellect, and a good friend (Govinda). But despite all his privileges, he knew that there was something missing in him. He wanted to master the true meaning of life and find his self (Atman). He knew that there was more to life than just the holy rituals and sacrifices.
With Govinda, he ventures into the forest, discards his old (perfect) life, and joins the Samanas, the ascetics who dwelled in the forest and there the two friends learned with their minds how to discipline themselves, write poems, wear loincloths (yeah. seriously.), and abstain from eating full meals (fasting). They denied themselves the pleasures of life in the world such as sex, fine wine, and gold. In fact, he started to hate worldly desires and pleasures. He looked at fine robes, whores, hunters, and merchants as ordinary people who are not of his level. He saw life as torture, the pain of Samsara itself, the cycle of life and reincarnation. His good looks faded away due to his fasting- the flesh on his cheeks started to gaunt, his nails grew untrimmed on his dried hands, and a dry beard grew on his chin.
Still, there was something missing. Siddhartha did not see nirvana in empty knowledge and understanding without actually taking it to the heart. He did not take teachings to the heart but thought of these as just for the mind. He believed that no teachings from scrolls or tomes or mouths of preachers even most respected (Gotama) can show him who he really is. He believed that it was the heart that will lead the way, that he will discover himself if he follows his heart. At this point, there are some Gary Stu-like tendencies considering the fact that Siddhartha is sagacious, (was) good-looking, and (was) rich, but Hesse will subvert what seems to be such with the next chapters of the young man's life.
Siddhartha finds ennui in being an ascetic and leaves his friend Govinda, who became one with the monks wearing the yellow robes. He is now a man and with the realization that the zest of youth has already left him, that yearning for a teacher who will show him the way. He realized that no matter how far he has gone in being a fugitive from himself, those thoughts still kept him busy and bitter about life. He knew that in losing himself as an ascetic, he did lose himself as a person. He became oblivious to who he really is. He saw the world for the first time like a genesis, a rebirth of the blues, the yellows, the reds, and the greens. He felt no belonging at all, however. He was not the Brahmin's son, he was not a Samana, but he was just Siddhartha, a lonely man in a loincloth who walks the streets aimlessly. He walks not back to his father, not back to the Samanas, and not back to his past.
After years of being a recluse, only now did he start to learn the nature of the world, from the flora and fauna to the sky, the river, sun, moon, and stars. He did not seek for a world beyond but just appreciated the beauty of this world, all its wonders, raw and childlike. It all started when he slept in the ferryman's cabin and had a sensual dream which is best described in the book itself. He woke the next day and as the ferryman took him to the other side of the river, the ferryman told him abut self-discovery in unexpected places; the ferryman found his in this river that gave him life.
Now this is where the fun begins. As Siddhartha went to the village on the other side of the river, he met a woman doing laundry by the stream.What they did after... let's just say that this is possibly the masterful, vividly-described product of an awkward wet dream, which I found in page 50 of the edition of the book that I read, that titillates the senses. He then met another woman, a beautiful courtesan named Kamala. He now had a goal. His walking was no longer senseless wandering, but it is now sensual wandering. Kamala soon became his friend and mentor in the art of love.
"Into her shady grove stepped the pretty Kamala,
At the grove's entrance stood the brown Samana.
Deeply, seeing the lotus's blossom,
Bowed that man, and smiling Kamala thanked.
More lovely, thought the young man, than offerings for gods,
More lovely is offering to pretty Kamala." -Siddhartha
Siddhartha once again started to wear fine clothes and became a merchant doing business with Kamaswami. He learned more about the everyday world as lived by ordinary people, and he learned from Kamala that to truly love is the secret of the childlike considering the fact that she loves as an art, not as a genuine emotion. The senses he has repressed in his asceticism have awakened once more at the taste of love, riches, and other worldly luxuries.
He eventually felt the same ennui as with asceticism and saw no meaning in his mindless self-indulgence. He loathed himself, he loathed life, he loathed everything in the same way that he loathed the same things in the end of his youth. He had a dream about a songbird that died, just like all purpose in his existence. His mind has been corrupted by sin. Siddhartha left everything behind once more just like he left his perfect life as a youth. Life is going full circle for him. All fun is over for him. He has grown weary of everything; that's basically what he is going through in his mid-life crisis. Just like him, we will also experience/have experienced these things in the years when our hormones rage and those years when we see the first wrinkles around our eyes as we watch our kids grow up to be full-fledged adults living lives of their own. But in this part, Kamala realizes that she is pregnant with Siddhartha's son.
In the middle of his self-loathing, he goes to the same river where his self-indulgent shenanigans began. There was nothing left for him but to kill himself. He thought that he was a miserable failure for finding absurdity both in self-denial and self-indulgence. From his slumber, he heard a voice that resounded through his soul and awakened it once more. It was Om, that which is perfect and everlasting. It was God Himself.
Siddhartha met his friend Govinda again after so many years and they talked about their lives, what they each learned on their separate journeys. While Govinda learned to live with the flow and with structured discipline, Siddhartha lived as a normal man with wealth. Siddhartha saw his life as a pilgrimage where everything in the world is fleeting, such as the fine clothes that masked his true self. He realized that just like in his youth, he gave up the three things he can do (fast, wait, think) for wretched things such as lust and materialism.
He pondered his life and realized that he had to learn from his mistakes to find out who he really is, that it is not through just mere preachings that he would learn best, but that he has to learn the hard way: by learning to structure himself, destroying that structure with wrong decisions, and ultimately rebuilding the whole thing to be a stronger, more fortified version of his previous self.
He met the ferryman again. The ferryman recognized him with astonishment at his fine clothes. Siddhartha gave his fine clothes to the ferryman as payment for what he did not pay for years ago. He learned the ways of the ferryman, who later introduces himself as Vasudeva. The ferryman was not a sage or a rich man, but he also has his own profound thoughts to share, products of wisdom and experience. This teaches that we can learn even from unexpected places and people, even those who are not as educated or refined as we are. Vasudeva was also a gifted listener, and soon the two became friends.
Gotama in his very old age is already on his deathbed, and many are on a pilgrimage to go to him. Many are being ferried through the river. Many saw the river as just a water form that gets in the way of their travels, but for Siddhartha and the ferryman, the river is their way of life. Kamala was also there with her son with Siddhartha. She was already old, faded, and with a swollen wound from the snake bite that eventually killed her.
Siddhartha's son was disobedient and rebellious but he stayed unpunished. He was accustomed to the ways of the rich. He could not take living in a small cabin with two old men. Siddhartha remembered that time when he learned that the secret of the childlike is to truly love, to perform foolish acts for someone just to win them over. Now, he is one with them, being a fool for his son who will never reciprocate his love.
The boy ran away with the basket with the money. The boat was on the other side of the bank and the oars were destroyed. Siddhartha knew that his son does not want to be followed. Siddhartha did so anyway; he went to the town in search for his son, but instead, he found the mirror of his life, lived it all over again. He did not meet his goal but instead met the pain of having to relive such memories over and over again as he ferries many a family across the river. He eventually got to know all these people, all these different walks of life, realizing that everyone is equal, and that the sage is no more superior to the artisan, and that in life there is only oneness. He learned to fully immerse himself in the childlike views of the ordinary person to find who he is. He already knew that they were just carving their own unique paths for themselves, living their lives just for the sake of living. This was all he needed to find.
The wound still burned in him, so he went to the town to look for his son once more, but he decided to turn back upon seeing his reflection, remembering those times when he left his own father in his youth to pursue his own life. He decided to let his son go and carve his own path. Vasudeva is now a very old man, weakened enough to no longer be able to ferry people across the river. The book describes at best the events that happened when Siddhartha discovered himself through the thousands of voices in the river that played the music of life itself, the oneness, the Om. Vasudeva left Siddhartha, and the latter became the ferryman.
In the last chapter, Siddhartha and Govinda reunited once more to further talk about their discoveries in their lives. Govinda learned that even in his old age and venerability, he still is a seeker. He still doesn't know his true self to the fullest. Siddhartha explains the difference between searching and finding, that to search is to have a goal and obsess over it, and that to find is to be free, to not have a goal, to see the world from a larger horizon. Siddhartha also relates that in life, one must reinvent many times and wear many clothes.
The last chapter is that in the novel with the deepest thoughts that even I can only partly comprehend. Wisdom is something that cannot be taught to the young by the wise; wisdom is a product of experience, a product of learning from one's wrong decisions in life and amending them. That was the reason why Siddhartha never really adhered strictly to the ascetic's teachings. There are several other words of wisdom that have been relayed in the story such as a compelling description of a robber and a rock, both of which are best read in the book instead of in a book review.
The book itself is just a plethora of wise, mystical words being thrown to readers for most people, but for me, it is a book of words, powerful words. But Hesse himself wrote that words are just words until they are actually put to the heart and that there is really no way to wisely convey wisdom itself, but there is knowledge. Technically, this book is just composed of knowledge just like those things that Siddharta himself would distrust in if he had actually read this book (based on how Hesse characterized him), and the lessons from this book can only be fully grasped once we get to the stages of our lives when we make wrong decisions, loathe ourselves for it, and amend our lives.
So far, my overall rating of the book is 9.5/10.